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Great Jokes must read

Catholic Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?' 
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' 
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think £5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' 
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? 

Mariage Humour 
 
Wife:    'What are you doing?' 
Husband:    Nothing. 
Wife:    'Nothing . . . ?  You've been studying our marriage certificate for quite some time.' 
Husband:   'I was looking for the expiration date.'

------------------------------- 
Wife :       'Do you want dinner?'
Husband:     'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife:      'Yes or no.'     

-------------------------------------------------------- 
Stress Reliever 

Girl:     'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' 
Boy:     'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' 
Girl:     'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' 
------------------------------ Son:     'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son:     'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'  

________________________________ 
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'   
------------------------------------------------------------   
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' 
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'  


 
Husbands are husbands 

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan. 'What was that for?' the man asked. The wife replied , 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'. The man then said 'When I was at the races last week , Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again. Wife replied. 'Your horse phoned' 

How the human brain works

This is
how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who
was always by their side in the most painful situations.
 

 

Life Is a
Gift 

 

Today
before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't
speak.
 

 

Before
you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone
who has nothing to eat.
 

 

Before
you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone
who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
 

 

Today
before you complain about life - Think of someone who died
too early on this earth.
 

 

Before
you complain about your children - Think of someone who
desires children but they're barren.
 

 

Before
you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or
sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
 

 

Before
whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who
walks the same distance with their feet.
 

 

And when
you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the
unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your
job.
 

 

But
before you think of pointing the finger or condemning
another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.
 

 

And when
depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on
your face and think: you're alive and still
around.

Must read torchlights (stunt gun) Beware

Must Read!: Torchlights (Stungun) Beware (to all drivers) 

Hi There, 

FOR YOUR INFORMATION, latest weapon used by robbers. 

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE, YOU MUST GIVE YOURSELF AT LEAST 3 MINUTES TO READ THIS! 

I just thought to let know what my doctor told me recently. I don't think she was lying and neither am I, so please pass this on to your friends. Her clinic is in SS2 and you know how congested that place is. 
One morning a few months ago in broad daylight, a girl was getting into her car when a few men approached her with what looked like a  torchlight. Quite harmless looking. They pressed the "torchlight" into her back and immediately she went limp and very pale. So she wouldn't be able to fight back, they slashed her thigh with a parang and sped away in her car.

There were many people around and they quickly took her to the  nearest clinic which was my doctor's clinic. There were two doctors at that time and they managed to stitch up her wound but the girl remained pulse-less and still pale as paper. No pulse, no BP (blood pressure). Just like dead.

My doctors were confused as to how one wound on the thigh made the girl almost like dead? They managed to revive her and save her life.

After some checking around, the doctors found  out what actually happened was that the girl was made unconscious not by a torchlight but actually a high voltage weapon. I forgot how many watts she mentioned. 1000? Anyway, it was high enough to kill a person by electrocution. 

It seems this weapon is from China. It's not rampant in Malaysia...yet; but with this thing, a person can rob, rape, kill, kidnap, and practically do anything to you. My doctor said that if the girl weren't taken to the clinic immediately she would have died because there was no pulse on her. 

So please just beware of your surroundings, if anybody is lurking around with a torchlight-thingy and approaches you, just scream or run away. Better to be embarrassed than ZAPPED and fried, right? Take care.

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